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And This is Why I Drink

RIC: It’s Sunday!

ME: I am making beef stew for dinner.

RIC: You know that I don’t like beef stew.

ME: I know. That’s why I never get to have it. And I want it for tonight, so I am making it.

RIC: But what am I supposed to eat?

ME: Whatever you want. You are on your own tonight.

RIC: [Going through the cupboards and refrigerator]. There’s nothing in here.

ME: We just went to the grocery store this morning. I am sure that you can find something.

RIC: Hmmm . . . [pulls spaghetti noodles out of the larder]. I guess I could make my own pasta.

ME: That sounds wonderful.

RIC: [pulls out ground beef from freezer]. Do we have Italian sausage?

ME: It’s in there.

RIC: What are the other two meats?

ME: Pancetta and . . .

RIC: I can’t find pancetta.

ME: It’s in there.

RIC: What are the vegetables?

ME: Come on, Ric. You have watched me make this a thousand times.

RIC: I know, but I can never remember how you do it.

ME: Chop up some onion, celery, carrots, mushrooms, garlic, and . . .

RIC: What about the tomatoes?

ME: I will get there. But first take your carrots and . . .

RIC: Why do you do it stages like that? Wouldn’t it be easier to do it all together?

ME: Things cook differently. Some things take longer and some things less time to get them to the desire doneness. So, first you want to cook the . . .

RIC: It’s too complicated!

ME: It’s not that hard. First, take the . . .

RIC: Ugh! I guess I will just have a tuna fish sandwich.

ME: If that’s what you want.

RIC: [Pouting as he rummages through the pantry]

ME: [Sigh]. Get out of the way. Give me the carrots and celery.

RIC: [sarcastically]. No, no. I don’t want you to go to any trouble for me.

ME: Just move out of my way and open the wine.

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