MARIO KIEFER

It’s like Mama always said: The truth always comes out so you may as well tell your side now. #MamaSaid

Self-important celebrities. #PetPeeves

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: It’s your fault that I am so competitive. ME: What do you mean? DOG: Well, you said I have to be the best. ME: No, I said you had to try your best. DOG: You said I have to be the best - at everything ME: No, I said you had to try your best - at everything. DOG: So, that’s what I do. When I see another dog, I have to beat him. I have to be the best. Because that’s what you said I should do. ME: You misunderstood. I don’t care if you are better

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! My emotional service chicken was banned from the restaurant! #Outrage