• mariokiefer

Customer Service


I am not usually a supporter of cruel and unusual punishments, but in this case, I will make an exception for the inventor of this.

__________________________


RING RING RING


Thank you for calling [INSERT NAME HERE]. For Spanish, please press five or stay on the line.

[WAITING]

Are you calling about the account associated with this number? Please say yes or no.

[YES]


I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Are you calling about the account associated with this number? Please say yes or no.

[YES]


Now, in a few words, tell me what you are calling about.

[TECHNICAL SUPPORT]


I’m sorry. I didn’t get that. In a few words, tell me what you are calling about.

[TECHNICAL SUPPORT]


You are calling about changing your service?

[NO]

Now, in a few words, tell me what you are calling about.

[TECHNICAL SUPPORT]

I’m sorry. I didn’t get that. In a few words, tell me what you are calling about.

[TECHNICAL SUPPORT]

You are calling about changing your bill?

[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. JUST GIVE ME A PERSON]

I’m sorry. I didn’t get that. In a few words, tell me what you are calling about.

[CUSTOMER SERVICE PERSON LIVE PEOPLE I KNOW THEY STILL EXIST SOMEWHERE!]


Are you calling about your bill?

[NOOOOOOOOOO. {FRANTICALLY PUSHING BUTTONS ON THE PHONE}]

Ok. Please hold on. I will put a customer support specialist on the line.

We are experiencing a larger than normal volume of calls. Estimated wait time is between 5 and 20 minutes. We can call you back and you will not lose you place in line. Press 2 to receive a call back.

[I WILL WAIT. I DON’T WANT A CALL BACK]

Press 2 to receive a call back.

[NO. I DON’T WANT THAT. I WILL WAIT]

Press 2 to receive a call back.

[I DO NOT WANT A CALL BACK]

Okay. We will call you back in 5 - 20 minutes.

[NOOOOOOOOO]


Goodbye {sound of phone hanging up}

________________________________________



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