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Public Health Order 2021.07.23

BY ORDER OF PUBLIC HEALTH


About 655,000 Americans die from heart disease each year—that's 1 in every 4 deaths. This entirely preventable health issue cost about $219 billion each year from 2014 to 2015.


Public Health deems this unacceptable and hereby declares heart disease a health emergency.


In order to confront this emergency and mitigate deaths caused by heart disease, Public Health issues the following order:


Effective at 12:01 AM, Saturday, July 24, all hearts are hereby banned. Those who still have a heart are ordered to turn theirs into local authorities immediately.


Thank you for your cooperation.

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