I
t’s a Dog’s Life . . .
ME: Stop humping your toys!
DOG: But it feels good.
ME: It’s nasty!
DOG: It’s perfectly natural.
ME: You are too young for that.
DOG: No, I am not.
ME: Where did you learn that behavior, anyway?
DOG: [Just looks at me.]
ME: Did Ozzy teach you that?
DOG: No.
ME: Did Bowie teach you that?
DOG: No.
ME: Was it Pepper?
DOG: No.
ME: Well, I know it wasn’t Ellie, or Foxy, or Charlie. Who taught you that? How did you learn to hump?
DOG: [Silence]
ME: Well?
DOG: [Cries out . . .] You alright! I learned it from watching you!
ME: Open the wine.
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