BY ORDER OF PUBLIC HEALTH
Effective December 31, 2020
Public Health has issued new orders to prevent the spread of this PANdemIC during the New Year’s holiday:
1. You must be home and in bed by 9:00 pm.
2. You must be in bed alone - no guests.
3. You must cover your head with your blanket. (This will act as your “night time mask”.)
4 You may not rise from your bed until after 6:30 am on January 1 at which time you are not allowed to exhale until you are certain that there is nobody within six feet of you.
5. Police are empowered to enforce this order by entering your home and checking under the covers to ensure that you are alone and that not nobody is hiding in your closet or under your bed (especially those pesky monsters) and spanking any disobedient children (er, I mean citizens).
Signed,
The Nanny State