MARIO KIEFER

Politics is like a reality show: filled with faux drama, fake outrage, and a whole lot of pretense that it's unscripted.

It’s like Mama always said: “If you’re gonna preach to the choir get to the Amen.” #MamaSaid

Political ads - regardless of stripe. #PetPeeves

ME: [With apologies to Eddie Murphy and Rick James, in a sing song voice to the tune of that 1985 hit] My dog likes to potty all the time...

We live in aristocracy, Ruled by endless bureaucracy And the few who anoint Then simply appoint Are truly what threatens democracy....

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! After all of these years, still nobody knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a...

“The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you...

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who finish things and those who #SundayTruth

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. I went to a Dollar store and asked the cashier why...

It’s like Mama always said: “If you lie down with fleas you might get a dog.” I used to think she was saying it wrong, but now I...

People who complain about toilet paper hoarders as they look over their mounds of Charmin really get my goat. #PetPeeves

In November your candidate plucked And to bed the election gets tucked So please use your voice But whatever your choice In the end we’ll...

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! Winter is coming and not a white walker in sight! #Outrage

“. . . [t]olerance is . . . a two‐way street, not a one‐way ratchet for totalitarian ideology." ~ Kristen Waggoner #FavoriteQuotes

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession. I forgot to change my “Priests of Rome” calendar...

They call it “standby” because you stand by the gate and watch everyone else board. #SundayTruth

It’s like Mama always said: “Instead of crying over spilt milk, get your ass up and clean the mess.” #MamaSaid

We do not need to put pumpkin spice into everything. #PetPeeves

ME: Stop humping that toy! DOG: But I like humping. ME: I understand, but you can’t hump in front of everyone. DOG: Why not? ME: Because...

Your words may cause offense, So of their use we now must dispense. For your feelings' protection, We’ll brook no objection. And...