MARIO KIEFER

It’s like Mama always said: When you use sex for sport, there’s no room for love. #MamaSaid

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG [Throws toy in front of me as I walk to another room.] ME:   Stop, Dog. I don’t want to play. DOG: [Throws...

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! Snow White has no dwarf named Lusty! #Outrage

Huddled masses we call to report, The pursuit of your dreams, we pledge to support, But if your plan is for crime, Please, step out line,...

“I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.” ~Lily Tomlin #FavoriteQuotes

Forgive me Father, I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession. I binge watched a show because the remote was out of reach...

No, Karen, being “on-the-clock” from 9-5 does not mean that you worked all day. #SundayTruth

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! Nobody pays me for protesting my outrage! #Outrage

“There is in all things a pattern that is part of our universe. It has symmetry, elegance, and grace." ~ Frank Herbert, Dune #FavoriteQuotes

Forgive me Father, I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession. Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “If ignorance...

Anything you get for free is worth every penny you paid for it. #SundayTruth

Some say that tipping is out of hand but I say that the hand is just deeper in your pocket. #PetPeeves

Bureaucracy’s ever entrenched. That from it’s hands power must be wrenched. Decisions are made, By the few who get paid, And democracy is...

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! Sometimes, George is a little too curious! #Outrage

“They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick’s Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home.” —Conan O’Brien...

Forgive me Father, I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession. I plan to wear orange on St. Patrick’s Day. I will go say...

All holidays are about the green. #SundayTruth

Email @ 8 AM: Your delivery is scheduled for today before 5 PM. Email @ 8 PM: Your delivery has been delayed and will be delivered...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  [Yawn.] ME:    Are you tired? DOG: Yes. ME:    That’s because you were up all night playing. DOG: I was...

I am outraged! Absolutely outraged! It was working fine until you decided to make it better. #Outrage