MARIO KIEFER

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  What do you have in your mouth? DOG:  [Chew. Chew. Chew.] ME:   Give me that! DOG:  No. [Chew. Chew. Chew.]...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Would you please explain to me why when you push your toy into the corner, you whine and won’t get it...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Here’s a special treat! DOG: Yea!  Why -  because I am so damned cute? ME:   Among many reasons. DOG: You...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: What are you trying to pull? ME: What do you mean? DOG: This thing in my food bowl. ME: It’s fowl. DOG: And?...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Sniffing under the edge of the sofa.] Yip, yip. ME: I don’t understand. DOG: Whine. ME: I still don’t...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Sigh] ME:  Don’t give me that sad face. DOG: [Sigh] ME: You knocked the cord from the wall and unplugged my...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: I have decided to change your name. DOG: What? I like my name! ME: We are going to call you . . . Sometimes....

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . [BOOM!] ME: [Jumps, startled from sleep.] DOG: Bark! Bark! Bark! ME: Settle down. It’s just thunder. [BOOM!] DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  Come. Let’s put your collar on. DOG: No! ME: What? DOG: No! I will not wear the collar. ME: Why not? DOG: I...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  Good morning. We are three days into the new year! DOG: I don’t understand the human need to mark time. ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: What did you think of your very first Christmas? DOG: I liked it. Thanks for all the new toys. ME: But you...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Bark, bark, bark, bark? Bark, bark! Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark? Bark! ME: What is it? What do you want? DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Why you have sour look? ME: Look, Dog. We gotta talk. I just spent over $250 at the grocery store. DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Where have you been? ME: I went to the grocery store. DOG: What did you get me? ME: Why should I get you...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Where were you? ME: I went to the store. DOG: Why didn’t you take me? ME: They only allow emotional support...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  [Dog wanders into kitchen]. Good morning. Look who decided to finally get out of bed. DOG: [In a grumpy...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Sing me the song. ME: No. You were not a good dog today. DOG: Please. I want to hear the song. ME: But that...

DOG: [Sigh] ME: Why are you sighing? You have a good life. DOG: [Silence] ME: Why are you looking at me like that? DOG: [Silence] ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: [Talking to Dog] Here’s what I don’t understand. If I let you, you will eat leaves. You will eat sticks. You...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . [I hears voices from the other room even though I am alone in the house.] ME: What the . . . [I get up and walk...