MARIO KIEFER

DOG: Hey. Hey. Hey. ME: I’m busy. What do you need? DOG: Let’s go outside and play. ME: Go by yourself. I’m busy. DOG: Hey. Hey. Hey. ME:...

I t’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Stop humping your toys! DOG: But it feels good. ME: It’s nasty! DOG: It’s perfectly natural. ME: You are too...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [With nose under edge of sofa] Aaarf. Whine. Whimper. ME: What’s up? What’s wrong? DOG: My toy is under the...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Why aren’t you eating your breakfast? DOG: I’m not ready. ME: What do you mean you are not ready? DOG: I will...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Dog! Get in here! DOG: What you call me for? ME: You got into the tissues again. DOG: So. ME: Tissues are NOT...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: I don’t want that toy. Gimme another one. ME: Ok. Here you go. DOG: I don’t want that one either. Gimme a...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Can I sleep in the bed? ME: No. DOG: Why not? ME: You always jump around. You don’t let me rest. DOG: I...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Jumps on me.] Gimme a treat ME: No. DOG: [Wants Out. Wants in. Wants Out. Wants in. Wants Out. Wants in.]...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Its bath day! DOG: Why do I have to take a bath? ME: Because you stink. DOG: I like how I smell. ME: Well,...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Gimme a treat. ME: No. You already had one. DOG: Gimme a treat. ME: No. You’ve had too many. DOG: Gimme a...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Play with me. ME: I am trying to work. DOG: Play with me. ME: I am trying to work. DOG: Play with me. ME: I...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Why are you looking at me that way? DOG: Because you’re a mean daddy. ME: How was I mean? DOG: You took me to...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Look at me! Look at me! ME: I see you. DOG: Look at me! Look at me! ME: I see you. DOG: Look at me! Look at...

DAWG: Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. ME: I’m coming. DAWG: Look, I’m squatting. ME: Dawg - No! I’m coming. [Pawing at the door] DAWG: You better...

DAWG: I smell eggs. Gimme! ME: You already had your breakfast. This is mine. DAWG: I smell potatoes. Gimme! ME: You already had your...

[Me walking to front door] DAWG: Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? ME: I'll be right back. DAWG: Can I come? Please? Let...

DAWG: Wake up! ME: I'm getting up. DAWG: Hurry. Let me out. ME: I'm getting up. DAWG: What's taking so long? ME: I'm getting up. DAWG:...

DAWG: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. ME: Fine. I’m awake. DAWG: Let me out. Let me out. ME: Hold on. I gotta pee first. DAWG:...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. I was tired of playing so I hid the dog’s chew toy...